I bet you clicked on this blog thinking you were actually going to see some kinda before picture…but…The best way for me to talk about the reason why the Journey to Self Love is so important to is paint a picture of what life was like before I learned to love myself and then give you a glimpse in how my life was totally transformed -literally in every area of my life and learn how Fitness plays a role in the journey.
Life before the Journey to Self Love
Well, my ‘before’ if you will, consisted of a negative tape that played through my head that constantly told me I was ugly, unworthy, fat, would never be enough and that there was no point to me being on this earth.
I tried every diet under the sun, I would work out insane amounts of time (we’re talking 3 hours of cardio, 6 days a week and throwing up after every workout – yikes). I remember when I was 21 I had lost 80 lbs in 6 months but even at my lowest weight, I still hated my body, I hated what I looked like, I had no confidence and I was in constant emotional pain.
Fast forward a couple years from then, my parents divorced and I was working 2 full time jobs while I was in college to help pay a mortgage. I met a boy around the same time who was the first man to tell me I was beautiful and it was as though it didn’t matter how he treated me after that because, well, life’s goal was for a man to find you beautiful right? Wrong!
We ended up being engaged 3 times before we actually walked down the aisle and every person who attended my wedding asked if I was sure this is who I wanted to spend my life with because well, they all saw what I turned a blind eye to…. He was controlling, he was unfaithful, he was abusive (emotionally, mentally and sexually) and he treated me like crap, instead of the Queen I am. I thought when we got married it would get better….
Only it just got worse and worse. One day, the week before our second wedding anniversary I woke up in the morning (after an episode in the bedroom that was all to scary and also finding out he was talking to another new girl he met online) and I realized I could no longer live in the pain I was living in for one more day. So while he was at work that day I wrote out how I was feeling and what the issues were and when he returned home I made him his last supper and when he was done I read out what I had written earlier that day because I didn’t even have the confidence to use my voice without help – oh ya, and I shook the entire time. I gave him 2 choices – fix things or leave and so he left.
I didn’t hear from him for almost 3 months after that (even after trying to get a hold of him and even left the country on valentines day and he had no idea because he wouldn’t take my calls). When I did hear from him, he started playing more games, calling for that 1 thing and I played into it a while and tried to ‘fight for my marriage’ this went on for a few months…. During this time I also lost my job (the company I worked for went bankrupt) so now I had no husband, no job and all this time on my hands so what better thing to do than…start my journey to self love.
I started doing an array of things to help me heal, build my confidence and most importantly learn to love myself. Part of that included taking care of my body and getting active which was essential to my mental health. Over the next few weeks I am going to give you some of the keys I’ve applied to my life to get to the place of self love and confidence that I have now. I fondly refer to these as the 12 pillars of self love and confidence. I will walk you through each one, how they impacted me and also how you can practice them in your own life.
You may see my life now and think – oh she’s got it easy. But know, that life did not always look this happy, this fulfilled, this purposeful. There was a lot of pain, there was a lot of sadness, self hatred and turmoil. But, there is hope for happier days and the Journey to Self Love is where it began for me. Out of my deepest pain, my destiny was birthed.
Since learning to love the amazing woman I am, I’ve been able to do so many amazing things that all revolve around inspiring women all around the world to take the journey to self love. I’ve modelled in Canada and Internationally (United States and Caribbean), I’ve been on the Dr. Oz show with one of my role models Ashley Graham and I’ve left my Koshy job at a software company to create Fitness By Sarah Taylor – a safe space for women to workout but also focus on their confidence and self love. And the journey continues …
Wherever you are in your journey, my hope is that you can find inspiration for your own life and take what you need and pass it on. So hang on for the ride … And don’t worry…going forward you’ll see more pictures and video content in the blogs 🙂